Mad at the world, My Fat Size and sugar

Does getting on the scale ever ruin your entire day? That was my Monday. I went from being in a fairly decent mood to a failed attempt to cry it out. I was just damn pissed at life for a good two days straight. The scale should not have that power, and I don’t step on it often, but now and then you need a kick in the pants.

Let’s just say I didn’t do so well this past weekend. There was wedding cake and ice cream and cookies. And I may or may not have had a frappuccino for lunch on Saturday.

See, in high school I got skinny eating frozen yogurt for dinner. I went to TCBY a few days a week and had some froyo, and that was it. Froyo >>> lean protein and veggies. Did the same thing when I was working at Wal-Mart one summer in college. I’d go across the street to Barnes and Noble, get a venti coffee frap light and that’d be it. Milk fills my tummy. I lost 17 lbs that summer.

So once in a while, I think, well, if I skip the actual meal and go straight to the dessert, no harm no foul, right? Friday of last week we had a baby shower in the office. I had two cupcakes and I skipped dinner. My calories were still on target for the day.

The rest of the week I ate salads, chicken, shrimp, spinach, hard-boiled eggs, oranges, feta, berries. Food I love that also happens to be mad healthy.

But I’m not in high school anymore. Calories in = calories out is no longer such a simple truth.

Today’s lunch: greens, cukes, beets, carrots, shrimp, feta, balsamic vinaigrette, sweet potato cubes

We have an amazing salad bar at work. I eat it almost every day. Many of the items are local, all of it’s fresh and there’s a really nice variety. And I do love salad. Has feta, will eat.

I’ve averaged tracking every other day on myfitnesspal. That’s not good enough. I CrossFitted three days last week and am planning to go four times this week. The legs are sore-rific. Yesterday’s WOD was a doozy. Before we started, the coach (Jack) said “Did anyone else look at the website last night and think Dave [the gym owner who does the programming] was joking? I’m cutting you all off at 30 minutes. If you can’t finish, you can’t finish.” The longest continuous workout I’ve ever done at CrossFit was 25 minutes.

I did:

3 rounds:
50 single jump ropes
40 sit ups
30 medicine ball cleans w/ 8# ball
20 jumping pullups
10 pushups


Beastly people  who can do workouts as they’re written (or Rxed, in CF speak) did double unders, 14# medicine balls, real pullups and hand stand pushups. Most of them were still going when I left the gym. Not because I’m awesome, but because I’m not awesome enough to do the hard stuff. 10 knee pushups = absolutely nothing like 10 hand stand pushups.


is not the same as this. She also did real pullups next to my jumping pullups. Badass.

For the strength part I worked up to a 53# hang power clean. I tried 63 but I’m not flexible enough to get my elbows up fast enough to move under the weight… How does one learn to get the dang elbows up? Without the bruises I have on my collarbone? Because barbells make bruises. But they also make awesome strength machine-humans.

I just love CrossFit Durham, even though Dave takes unflattering pictures. Like this one, of the Booth Butt:

Can you guess which of these burpee-doing butts belongs to me? It’s the big one. In black and green.

Another depressing moment over the weekend: I needed to shop for a few basics for summer. Denim shorts and capris, black shorts and capris. I was really excited (ok, that’s an exaggeration. I can’t get excited about shorts w/ these stumps. I was less bummed than normal about shorts-shopping) about a pair of denim shorts I got from Kohl’s. I got them home to try them on and get Matt’s opinion. He liked them too. They were long enough and dark enough and they just worked. Then I looked at the tag. These were The Size I Do Not Wear. I thought they were My Fat Size, which is the size I”m wearing lately, but was too big for last summer. Instead of buying The Size I Do Not Wear, I wore stretchy skirts and dresses.

The shorts were perfect, but I took them back. I Do Not Wear That Size. Mom said, rightly: “that’s just crazy.” But I did it anyway. I took them back last night and found another pair, in My Fat Size, same brand, that fits just as well and actually has a cuter belt. I also had to take some black capris back to TJ Maxx in My Fat Size because Matt said they were too baggy in the front (this is a common problem for the Bootie. If it fits in the butt, it’s falling down in the seat.) I got another pair in My Fat Size that fits well.

So, let’s recap. Shorts from Kohl’s, same brand: The Size I Do Not Wear = same fit as My Fat Size. Black capris, different brands = 1 My Fat Size is too big, 1 My Fat Size fits well.

So that whole “ignore the scale, just see how your clothes fit!!” thing doesn’t work. And the whole “go by the scale” thing doesn’t work either, because while I’m not lighter than I was in December, I’m certainly stronger. And also the scale makes me cry.

I wish it did not have that power. What works for you? Clothes, or the scale?


4 thoughts on “Mad at the world, My Fat Size and sugar

  1. I feel your pain. The scale only tells half the story, problem is, clothes are the same thing. I remember when I started weight training my weight started to go up because of the muscle I was building, but guess what? It seems as if my body does not lose proportionately, so despite doing total body workouts I found that my legs and chest were getting smaller a lot faster than my waist. I use a measuring tape to keep track of the different parts of the body when I feel up to it. All of this keeping track is a headache and hard work, but eventually, we will see the hard work pay off.

  2. Got on the scale this morning and nearly started crying. UGH!! I can’t believe I let this get so out of control. You are a bit of inspiration to me, Deb! Keep going and fight the good fight. You know it is worth it. (Even if it doesn’t feel like it somedays)

    • And some days it feels like if I didn’t spend so much of my energy fighting my body I could actually make a difference in the world… what’s that Naomi Wolf quote about dieting women being politically obedient? Yeah.
      And hey. You have been traveling like a mad woman. And there are way too many good places to eat in the Subway. Healthy Dan your lunch and walk your puppy (please tell me you’ve adopted one). It’s summer in Minnesota! The winter weight will fall off 🙂

  3. Pingback: Real Talk: Diet Guilt & Rationalizations | .the rebel grrl kitchen.

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