This bootie don’t run

I am still in an allergy fog from yesterday’s “Endurance WOD.” A friend asked me if WOD meant workout of death. I told him it simply meant workout of the day, but yesterday, his explanation was more accurate.

Let’s get something straight. I don’t like running. OK, I hate running. Burpees > running. That’s how much I hate running.

I tried to be a runner once. I even completed a couple of 5ks before the posterior shin splints became stress fracture painful.

Dr. Bois and I rocked it out.

But then I had to take a break. And then I decided there were better ways to work out. And then I discovered that HIIT (high intensity interval training) is as good or even better for you than steady-state cardio in less time. Cue my obsession with efficiency. My ADHD loves constantly varied, fast paced, short workouts, say a 15 minute AMRAP of burpees, squats and pullups. It does not love 45 minutes on the elliptical watching The View.

But there’s always the nagging suspicion (supported by the fact that I haven’t magically lost 20 lbs since beginning CrossFit) that I still need that cardio. I need to run more than a half or quarter mile at a stretch.

CrossFit isn’t against that as far as this newbie can tell… there’s certainly a place for it, and members regularly participate in road races. So a couple times a week they have “Endurance WODs”. Forget back squats, we’re going to run til we puke/faint/die!

So I decided to indulge my cardio worries and do some endurance. If you haven’t noticed, it’s been a billion degrees the last two weeks. And it’s HUMID here. At 6pm yesterday it was 94 degrees with a relative humidity of 50%. I looked it up. An air quality warning was in effect. NO WAY are we running outside. Bring on the rowing!

Except I underestimated the masochistic tendencies in our gym. LET’S RUN OUTSIDE. YES.

We warmed up OUTSIDE with squats and inchworms and crab walks and frankenstein kicks and fire breathing dragons (which one of these is made up?) and I was out of breath from the heat before we even got started.


1x100m = 75% max
1x100m = 80% max
1x100m=90% max
1 mile time trial
400m time trial
200m time trial

Oh, and the first half of each of those runs is uphill. I did not meet my goal for the mile time. If it had been a reasonable temperature I could’ve shaved 60 seconds off my time, but I could.NOT.BREATHE. During each rest, I went inside, gulped water and then collapsed, gasping for a breath that didn’t feel so dense and HOT in front of the fan. And we didn’t know about the 400 and the 200 before we began the mile. Only after I came out of the gym with bag in hand did I learn it ain’t over, sweet cheeks.

The sprints weren’t bad. They matched my beginning boot camp times, and in those sessions it was cool, I was rested and ready to go. This time I wasn’t sure I could even take a step much less run another 200 meters. So I’ve gotten faster, I guess.

I got in the car with a pounding headache and burning nose. I sneezed 20x between the gym and Subway (dinner of champions), and a few more between subway and home. When I got home I took a benadryl, four ibuprofen, two tylenol and a zyrtec. Overkill? Maybe. Matt gave them to me. He’s a doctor.

My muscles are fine today. I’m a little sore but it was just a run. My head and nose, however, feel like absolute crap. Working out outside in Minnesota summers? Heaven. NC? Allergic, stuffy hell. I am foggy and exhausted with a constant low-grade sinus headache. NOT the way you want to feel a good 20 hours after a workout.

I may try an endurance WOD again in the fall or winter. But anyone that wants me to run during an air quality alert, zero breeze, 50 percent humidity and 94 degrees can kiss my big, fat bootie. I know I’m a Complainy Complainer, but damn, I don’t want to feel sick the next day. It’s not the coach’s fault that I’m all allergic; I’m sure for most this wasn’t fun but it wasn’t particularly awful either. It’s my fault for knowing better and telling myself I needed to do this WOD anyway. DEB. Listen to that inner voice that says “it is way too damn hot, workout inside with most of the other sane people here.” Don’t defy it thinking that makes you hot shit. Because it might just leave you feeling hot and shitty.

On the other hand, I actually went through with an Endurance WOD. Conquered THAT fear. And it was just as scary as I’d imagined.


One thought on “This bootie don’t run

  1. Totally with you. I do not like long distance running. It’s painful, it’s hot, it jars my joints, it takes all of my oxygen. Of all the ways to workout and stay in shape, why would anyone want to run? Or maybe I’m just a weenie. 😉

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