Belly bootie…

When I thought about being pregnant, I imagined weekly belly photos, super healthy eating and being a work out queen. Heh.

Here’s some advice: Don’t feel guilty if this is your experience:

Incessant hunger (like, stomach growling, not “I like food and want to eat it”) + Inability to stomach anything but simple carbs = so THIS is how people get fat during pregnancy
Nausea + exhaustion = what gym?
PMS water weight gain =5-7 lbs and constant food baby. Normally that’s a few days a month. Now it’s every day. I’m not showing, I’m just bloated. Hot.

My mom told me I should take a belly photo early on because “it may never be flat again.” At that point it was too late. I’ve been Cheesecake Factory bloated since about week 5, food or no food.

So, at some point I’ll take a belly photo. I’m not as concerned/obsessed as I thought I would be. For now, here are the WORST MATERNITY PHOTOS EVER, courtesy of awkwardfamilyphotos.com. These break all of my rules:

1) KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON. Belly is okay, but keep your tits/nethers to yourself.
2) Dad/partner: you too. No one cares and most people want to puke a little.
3) We know how the baby got there. So get off the bed/stop holding her bare boobs/put your shirt on/cool it with the lusty looks. Your kids will thank you one day. This is not a slideshow for The Talk.

I know, I know, I’m judgy. Honestly, do whatever you want. But you may just end up on AFP.

“I did sexy time! Hehe! I’m special!”

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